A coaching client of mine is going through a tough time at the moment. She is experiencing a lot of difficult emotions. What makes it even worse, though, is that she feels alone and isolated amid these challenging times. 

Toward the end of our coaching call today, I told my client about this conversation between author Cheryl Strayed and parenting expert Dr. Becky Kenneddy. In the conversation, Strayed shares that after her book Wild became famous, she received letters from hundreds of people who were shocked to see themselves in her story. How is it possible, they wondered, that we have so much in common even though we’ve never met and lived separate lives? At some point, it struck Strayed that it’s not surprising that so many people have similar experiences. What’s surprising is that we assume we’re the only ones experiencing certain things. The “assumed aloneness” of our experience is surprising, not the commonality of it.

When I first heard the term “assumed aloneness,” it struck a chord with me. There have been various times in my life as a lonely teenager, a new mother, and an introverted entrepreneur when I have felt like no one gets me, that no one knows how I am feeling, that I dare not share what I am going through with someone because that would be a recipe for disaster. And then, more often than not, I have found others going through something similar. I have read about others who grew up feeling lonely and misunderstood. I have met other mothers who are creating their unique versions of motherhood. And I have learned from many thriving, introverted entrepreneurs.

My coaching client appreciated the perspective on assumed aloneness. By the time we ended our session, she was still in emotional pain. But she had thought of a couple of friends she could reach out to. Maybe they are also going through something similar, she thought. Maybe, by sharing her pain first, she could open up space for them to share theirs too, if that’s what they needed. Maybe she could shatter the assumption that they are all alone in their experiences.

I don’t know how my client’s story will unfold. But I do know this: she is not alone in what she is going through. 

And neither are you.