A couple of weeks ago, I was taking my kids to school/daycare. It had been a hectic morning and we were running late. As I got them into the car, fastened their seat belts, and sat behind the wheel, I let out a big sigh. Finally, I thought to myself, we’re on our way. And then, a thought struck me and made me smile. While I don’t always remember it, this was exactly the kind of life I’d longed for during my twenties.

My Younger Self

My twenty-nine-year-old lonely, dejected, burnt-out self would have given anything to have what I have now. A family I once dreamed of. Good health. Work that’s meaningful and enjoyable. A lifestyle that’s flexible and balanced. But now that I have this life, it’s easy for me to take it for granted, to assume it’s always going to be there, and to forget how lovely it is for me to be where I am today. From the point of view of my younger self, my current life is almost magical. And I forget that all the time.

If my younger self could look at my life right now, she would say how amazing it is that I am living this life. She would also say that I act like an appallingly entitled person at times. How can I not spend every single moment of my life being grateful for what I have? Why am I overwhelmed, stressed, and frazzled at times? What is wrong with me?

And in a way, that’s true. I don’t always appreciate what I have. I get annoyed when my kids take forever to get ready for school in the morning. I feel impatient about the administrative aspects of my work. I am not immune to the urge of doing more, more, and just a little bit more before I can relax. Who I am, what I do, and what I have never seems enough.

And you know what? It probably never will.

The Human Brain and Happiness

My younger self didn’t know this well, but I have since learned that the human brain hasn’t evolved to live in a grateful, contented state for long; that would have endangered our species. Our brains are wired to keep pursuing more even when we make our wildest dreams come true. No matter what we accomplish, there will always be more to pursue, and more room for learning and growth.

In a way, this makes life interesting. I mean, if there were no more meaningful goals for me to pursue, what would I do with the rest of my life? But in another sense, our biology makes happiness a bit of an uphill battle. If we keep pursuing something in the hopes of finding happiness on the other side, we’ll forever be unhappy.

So, what’s the answer?

Being Happy while Wanting More

For me, the answer is both. I can keep pursuing more of what I want. And I can be happy now. It takes some effort and intention, but it’s possible.

Inspired by this incident, here’s a practice I’ve been trying lately: When I feel unhappy or dissatisfied with something in my life, I pause and ask myself: What do I have now that I once longed for?

In all honesty, it’s not a magic pill. Sometimes the frustration of the moment surpasses the gratitude I can conjure up. But at times, answering this question has helped me look at my life differently. It has brought me a bit more perspective, presence, and joy.

Over to You

If you look back at your life, are there things or experiences you currently have that you once longed for? Are there aspects of your life your younger self wouldn’t believe you made happen?

Take a moment and imagine: If your younger selves could see you right now, what would they say?

And then, if you feel inclined, take a moment to appreciate all that you have that you once longed for.