Ever since experiencing how transformative self-compassion can be, I have found myself bringing it up in coaching conversations more often (and with greater conviction) than I used to. However, since I don’t have any “agenda” as a coach except for serving what my clients want for themselves, I bring up self-compassion as a gentle offering to see if it resonates with them.

In the past few months, I have heard a variety of responses:

• “That doesn’t resonate with me at all. All my success has come because of how I constantly push myself. I don’t want to lose my edge.”
• “That sounds nice but it’s not for me.”
• “Someone recently sent me a podcast about self-compassion and I found it interesting. I would love to learn more.”
• “I totally understand how important self-compassion is. I just find it hard to practice in my life.”
• “I would never have put those two words (“self” and “compassion”) together but now that you mention them, it feels so obvious. How did I not know about this until now? I am never leaving this practice.”

In most of these responses, I see a reflection of how I have felt about self-compassion at different points in my life. I get where every single one of my clients is coming from. And it’s not my job to push them to adopt an idea that isn’t resonating with them.

So, we move forward based on where they are.

With some clients, I don’t bring self-compassion up again.

With others, I send them additional resources.

With some, I admit I was like them until a few months ago and wasn’t ready to embody self-compassion.

With yet others, I suggest deeper practices.

With every single one of them, though, I come from a place of trusting, fully trusting, that they are exactly where they need to be.

If their path is meant to intersect with self-compassion, it will. If not, it won’t. In any case, it will be okay.

So often, we get caught up in wanting to be in places we can’t yet access. 

So often, we want to accomplish things we are not fully prepared to handle.

In those moments, life can feel frustrating.

But I have learned that we need the frustration to get to where we need to be.

I needed to struggle with self-compassion for several years before I was fully ready to receive its benefits.

Each of life’s struggles prepares me for something important that’s coming my way.

I am finally beginning to embrace frustration in a way I couldn’t before. 

So today, I want to invite you to see if you can allow yourself to be where you are.

Whatever challenges you’re facing: at work, in relationships, or around your health, can you trust that they are teaching you the lessons you are meant to learn?

Don’t fight the challenges. Don’t resist them. And please don’t give up. But see if you can come from a place of acceptance about the reality you are in rather than an expectation around how things “should” be.

Allowing yourself to be where you are rather than denying or fighting your reality will help you move forward more smoothly and gracefully in the face of adversity.